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Joe Thomas pokes fun at Cleveland Browns' dysfunction in retirement speech

The 10-time Pro Bowl selection celebrated his retirement from the Cleveland Browns on Monday.

BEREA, Ohio -- In case you needed any reminder what a long, strange trip it's been for the Cleveland Browns the last 11 years, Joe Thomas was happy to lend a helping hand.

Holding a press conference at team headquarters in Berea to commemorate his retirement, the ex-Browns left tackle was presented with a customized fishing rod and vest from general manager John Dorsey and head coach Hue Jackson. That goodwill gesture, however, wasn't enough to convince Thomas to bite his tongue, as the 10-time Pro Bowl spent a significant portion of his retirement speech poking fun at his now-former organization and all of the drama it has endured in the last 11 years.

"This offseason there was a lot of people who reached out to me when they heard I was considering retirement. They had an opportunity to talk to me and give their input," Thomas said. "One of the guys that actually talked to me was [ex-Browns offensive coordinator] Kyle Shanahan and he put together a 32-page PowerPoint slide presentation telling me why I needed to come back."

Patrick McDermott-USA TODAY Sports

The jokes didn't stop there. Thomas proceeded to playfully take aim at several ex-Browns coaches, front office members and players for infamous run-ins they've had over the course of the last decade.

"Ray Farmer tried to text me, but it was during a game and unfortunately he was suspended for that. Eric Mangini wanted to reach out to me because I had a couple of years with him and he thought it was important for me to hear a few things from him, but unfortunately he said I was going to have to ride eight hours on a bus with him to Connecticut if I wanted to hear all about it, so I turned that down.

"Brandon Weeden still has my phone number somehow after all these years and he tried to call me but ended up still being stuck under that giant American flag, so he didn't get any reception. Sash [Brown] tried to trade some information with me about my retirement, but unfortunately it didn't get in on time. Johnny [Manziel] tried to call me from the club, but his money phone apparently didn't have very good service and in the end, we all know that I reason retired was because of Robert Griffin III. It was definitely his fault.

"Of course, another moment I'll never forget is the Rob Chudzinski era -- both of those days were outstanding."

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

In retrospect, perhaps it shouldn't come as a surprise that Thomas played on just one winning team during his Hall of Fame-caliber career in Cleveland. Since going 10-6 in Thomas' rookie season of 2007, the Browns have yet to amass a record better than 7-9 and have won four or fewer games in six of the last 10 years.

Nevertheless, despite the dysfunction that Thomas couldn't help but have a good laugh at, his retirement speech eventually took on a more serious tone. After sincerely thanking ex-teammates, coaches, general managers and "football czars," in addition to friends and family, Thomas signed off by thanking the Browns fans who have stood by the team throughout more than a decade's worth of drama.

“I’m merely changing jobs," Thomas stated. "From being your left tackle to being the No. 1 fan of the Cleveland Browns”

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