MENTOR, Ohio — The Guinness World Record for “Fastest Time Crossing A Greased Pole” is 3.09 seconds.
The record for Most Bowling Balls Stacked Vertically is 10.
Humans have always aspired to legacy. On a planet with 8 billion people, it’s a natural inclination to want to leave one’s mark by being the fastest, the strongest, or just “The Most” at something: To boldly pronounce to the Universe: “I was here but for a brief time, but in that time I was remarkable.
That’s why when I heard that folks were getting together to try and break the world record for “most kites flown simultaneously”, I felt compelled to join them.
Of course, it didn’t hurt that it was for a good cause.
Last weekend, Crossroads Health hosted an event in Mentor called “Soaring Hearts” at Headlands Beach State Park in partnership with GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS™️.
Ostensibly, the goal was break the current simultaneous group kiting record of 12,350, but upon my arrival at the shindig it became clear quite quickly that the record-breaking attempt, while not irrelevant, was not really the focal point of the event. This was a pleasant, community hang-out that served as a fun way to bring awareness to a solid cause.
Crossroads Health offers recovery and mental health programs and services for all people, at any age or stage of life. Their espoused goal is to “help all who seek support in living healthy, active, and productive lives.”
Spoiler alert: We didn’t end up breaking the world record. But it wasn’t for lack of kiting!
I have no idea what the final head count was and I’m the world’s worst guesstimater. But there was no shortage of kids, families, hipsters, friends, seniors and hard-core kiting enthusiasts all out there on the field of conquest, all kiting their keisters off.
In the end, despite a spirited effort, we came up a bit short of making communal-kite-history this afternoon, but that did little to dampen the mood.
After all, it’s kind of hard to be bummed out when you’re flying a kite on a beach in pleasant weather.
In the future, my strong recommendation is that the group tries for a less intimidating record breaking breaking attempt. 12,000 kiters is a lot of people, and there are WAY easier records to break if you really parse through the Guinness Book.
In my opinion, they should try one of these next time to better their chance at success:
The most T-shirts worn and torn in one minute is 29, and was achieved by David Rush (USA) in Pasadena, California, USA, on 2 March 2020.
MOST JELL-O GELATIN EATEN WITH CHOPSTICKS IN ONE MINUTE:
Damien Fletcher managed to get 6.34 ounces of Jell-O gelatin into his maw in 60 seconds. Surely Cleveland has someone who can beat that.
MOST STICKY NOTES STUCK TO FACE IN ONE MINUTE:
America’s own Twenty-two-year-old Taylor Maurer earned this one by sticking 60 notes to her face in one minute. We just need someone with really fast hands and a large face and we’ve got this one locked. The rules require that all the notes be attached one at a time, and they must remain stuck for a minimum of 10 seconds after the allotted time is over. Firm but fair.
FASTEST TIME TO ASSEMBLE A MR POTATO HEAD WHILE BLINDFOLDED:
Germany’s André Ortolf clocked the fastest time to assemble a Mr Potato Head while blindfolded in 2018 at 14.90 seconds. I feel like this one is made to be broken. This one doesn’t even seem to have any specifics as far as if the mouth has to be in the right place or if he can have three eyes. It’s ripe for the plucking, people.
More from Mike Polk Jr.: