CLEVELAND — There are a lot of Irish people in Cleveland, and ideally, there will be even more visiting soon.
We had to offer Aer Lingus some significant financial incentives to get them to set up shop here, but we now have direct flights running from Hopkins Airport to Dublin and back four times a week.
Now, some people might contend that because Cleveland is one of the poorest cities in the nation, using taxpayer money to subsidize air travel to Europe might not be the best use of resources, and those people are called "Party Poopers." But yes, it's a legitimate concern.
Back in May, a delegation of Cleveland dignitaries and civic leaders — including the mayor and county executive — tried the new route out for themselves, but regrettably, I was unable to join them due to a total lack of invitation.
So, I decided I’d check it out for myself to make sure we Clevelanders are getting good value out of the deal.
THE CREW
I brought my own impressive entourage — including my parents and my good lady — and after a pleasant flight during which my father managed to only insult two passengers (which is very good for him), we landed in the Emerald Isle and went straight to the Jameson Factory for an extremely touristy tour. Dad's idea.
THE RENTAL CAR
The next morning, we took to the road to start exploring the beautiful countryside in the world's smallest economy SUV, the Peugeot. Incidentally the word "Peugeot" translated into English means, "You should have upgraded; now everyone suffers."
THE DRIVING
I don't know if you've ever attempted to drive a fully packed bumper car across a rural labyrinth as your 70-year-old parents critique your driving while you try to read traffic signs written in Gaelic, but let me tell you, it really makes you feel alive. Being on both the wrong side of the car and road only adds to the adventure.
Now, much of Ireland has totally modernized and convenient highways perfectly suitable for driving. That just didn't happen to be the part of the country that my parents wished to see, because as everyone knows, Ireland's real beauty is found on the dangerous, one-lane pseudo-roads that wind perilously through the rocky cliffs of the treacherous shoreline.
MILD CONVERSION ISSUES
The United States is one of just three countries in the world still defiantly refusing to use the metric system, and maybe everyone else is wrong and it's just us, Liberia, and Myanmar who are right, but it still proved to be quite confusing. Buying gas was particularly daunting because that calculation involved both liters and euros, so I won't learn how much it cost me to fill up until I get my credit card statement.
THE FOOD
Alright, I'll say it: The food's not great, and that's okay. It’s just not our strong suit. The Irish are poets, not chefs, and the general culinary approach over there tends to be, "Have we tried boiling it and removing all seasoning?"
The good news is that I lost five pounds on the trip out of self defense against our cuisine. Irish Diet!
GREAT BRANDS
What the Irish lack in cuisine, they make up for in awesomely named weird food products. A few personal favorites included Hunky Dory chips, Meanies Pickled onion-flavored chips, and the prawn cocktail flavor of Pringles.
THE PEOPLE
In all sincerity, my experience in Ireland was amazing. The country is breathtaking and the history is remarkable, but it's the people who make the place. Everywhere we went, people were helpful, friendly, and genuinely curious about the lives of others. And my father probably spoke to about a third of the population while we were there, so we had a good sample size.
THE VERDICT
The trip was great, and the Cleveland to Dublin direct flight made it extremely convenient. According to state officials, the new daily flights are expected to have an $85 million impact on the Northeast Ohio economy in just the first three years, and I hope that pans out, because I still have plenty of cousins to meet.
