CLEVELAND — Look, guys, let’s be candid: it’s very grim. With any luck, you didn’t watch yesterday’s Cleveland Browns game because you were hiking in the Metroparks with your family or playing with some dogs, or really anything else, but just to summarize: They turned over the ball 6 times. Nick Chubb broke his foot. We benched our back-up QB for throwing too many interceptions to bring in our third string QB, who immediately threw an interception.
Those guys are only playing due to another season-ending injury sustained by our problematic, underperforming “franchise” quarterback who is still under contract to linger around for the next couple of years, haunting the Berea facility like a $230 million Phantom of the Opera.
One could argue that this is indeed, the bleakest point in Browns fan history. Sure, The 0 and 16 season was unpleasant, but it didn’t feel like this. Heck, we even threw a parade.
Back then, there was still some sense of hope for the future for several reasons: Back then, we weren’t in salary cap hell. Back then, the country still empathized with our plight. We were the lovable underdog fanbase rather than the morally compromised franchise that lost its way and got what it deserved.
Back then, the Haslam regime was also still relatively new and so they deserved our patience and the time to try and turn around our notoriously-hapless organization. But they’ve now had time, and we’ve seen the results.
And unlike back then, we’re not intentionally trying to tank for draft position this year, it’s just coming to us naturally. As you might recall, we were actually pretty good last year. This year, not as much. But it’s thinking about next year that really bums us out.
If you combine our regrettable salary cap situation with our ownership group’s now well-established inability to effectively problem-solve, it’s easy to understand why so many Browns fans are in a new kind of funk right now.
I’ve spent my whole life as irrational Browns optimist. You’d be amazed at what I’ve been able to convince myself over the years. At one point I think I actually said that Derrick Anderson, “Could be OUR Joe Montana”. But even my delusional cupboard is bare right now.
The Browns currently don’t have the money to overpay established players, or the scouting ability to magically address their many needs in the draft. So it’s hard to conceive of any moves that could be made or circumstances that could occur outside of dumb luck or providence that would help turn this team around by next year.
And that’s the dark thought. Browns fans are notoriously optimistic. The fact that even WE can’t think of a way to PRETEND that we might be good next year, illustrates just how rock bottom this moment feels.
That said, even if they can’t put a good product on the field I do believe there are a couple of ways that Browns ownership could immediately improve their standing with the fanbase, to help ensure that when the team DOES eventually end up being competitive again, the stands will still have some people in them.
Number One: Make an immediate announcement that, no matter how or where it takes place, The Browns and the Haslam Group will be paying for the entire stadium project themselves without assistance from taxpayers.
I know it might sound horrifying to you, Mr. Haslam. The very idea of subsidizing the infrastructure of your own enormously profitable business, but I think you’d be SHOCKED at how much good will it would earn you.
I’m talking, “all is forgiven”, “Atta Boy Jimmy”, “Maybe Johnny Manziel Wasn’t Such A Bad Pick After All” levels of goodwill. And it’s yours for the taking.
And Number Two: appropriately enough: End the promotion with Dude Wipes. Look, nothing against Dude Wipes, or disposable wipe products as a whole, although in fairness, The Northeast Ohio Sewer District is not a fan, and we respect their authority.
But regardless, if you own what is largely considered to be one of the crappiest franchises in pro sports, extremely common sense would suggest that partnering with a Mens Wipe company would not be prudent. It’s not even that it’s gross, it’s just tone deaf. So why would you put your team and fanbase in a situation where….oh right.
Ah well. This season’s been in the commode for months now. Just three more weeks of circling the bowl. Hang in there, Browns fans. And Let’s Go Cavs!