CLEVELAND — As you know, the Cleveland Browns have been bitten by “The Injury Bug”. They’ve also been bitten by “The Offensive Play-Calling Bug”, “The Blown Defensive Coverage Bug” and the “Watching Our Quarter Billion Dollar Quarterback Get Definitively Outplayed By Daniel Jones Bug”.
So, all bad bugs, clearly. But it’s the injury bug that really seems to have the organization concerned, particularly at the offensive line position. In fact, apparently it’s gotten so bad that the team is resorting to some pretty unorthodox measures to try and recruit fresh talent.
So, I started imagining what a pitch to some new recruits might look like...and I think it might look a little something like this:
Are you an extremely large person with flexible weekends?
Are you an adventurous thrill seeker who loves living life on the edge?
Are you a Greater Clevelander weighing between 350 and 500 pounds with any level of football experience?
Well then maybe YOU could be THE NEXT CLEVELAND BROWNS OFFENSIVE LINEMAN!
Are you really good at being in the way?
Are you childless and unmarried in case something happens?
Are you comfortable being in an MRI machine weekly?
Well then maybe YOU could be THE NEXT CLEVELAND BROWNS OFFENSIVE LINEMAN!
Do you have a remarkably high pain threshold?
Have you always wanted to meet feared Steeler linebacker T.J. Watt in person and REALLY get to know him?
Have you made peace with your Lord?
Well then maybe YOU could be THE NEXT CLEVELAND BROWNS OFFENSIVE LINEMAN!