CLEVELAND — Ah, young celebrity love. It's one of the things that people love to talk about that couldn't be less interesting to me, right up there with veganism and cryptocurrency.
But at times, exposure to celebrity relationships is unavoidable because celebrities attend events that I am interested in. And those people inevitably end up on camera, as was the case last night when Taylor Swift took her Big Man On Campus boyfriend Travis Kelce out to a ballgame in New York to catch Game 1 of the American League Championship Series.
And that’s great! Good for them! Nothing more wholesome and American than taking in a baseball game, especially when your home team is playing in the series, as is the case for Cleveland Heights native Kelce.
What a great opportunity to support your childhood baseball team by gearing up in your Guardians apparel and… wait a minute… I just noticed something.
That's not Guardians gear Travis is rocking.
He was instead wearing a fashionable, muted black ensemble, which coordinated well with his lady fair, who also donned black.
I, of course, don't begrudge Taylor for this. She's not from Cleveland; she's dating Cleveland, and holds no emotional obligation to our sports franchises.
But et tu, Travis? Why did you feel compelled to skip out on the Cleveland gear and dress like the two of you were attending a rapper's funeral instead of a Guardians baseball game?
In case you're wondering, the coat Travis was sporting is something called an Anine Bing Quinn oversized wool blazer, and it's available for $600 at a website I have never visited and never will.
The black cap is from the fashion brand "Midnight Rodeo." It's called the "Classic Trucker," because you know how long-haul truck drivers famously love paying $100 for a hat.
So why didn't our hometown hero represent us, at least externally, last night when he knew he'd be on national TV and he knew we would see him? After all, he hasn't been afraid to don the red in the past. He wore Guards gear on opening day in Cleveland last year when he sort of threw out the first pitch.
So what's changed since then? Travis, tell us the truth: Is Taylor discouraging you from wearing Guardians stuff? Be honest. Is she afraid it will hurt your collective brand? You can tell us. This is a safe space.
Because if that's not it, the only thing I can assume is that you just weren't happy with your current Guardians gear selection. Maybe nothing spoke to you, so you just went neutral.
Well, if that's the case, here's an easy solution: For the next game, you can borrow something of mine. Seriously, bro. Take your pick.
Of course I have the traditional Guards jersey you can borrow, though it might be a little loose in the arms for you. If you want something a little more playful, I can offer you a charming 3/4 sleeve "Believeland" shirt that I bought used at a thrift store because apparently someone stopped believing.
If you're worried about corporate logos or trademarks, perhaps a shirt that simply celebrates "Cleveland Baseball" might be up your alley. I got it at Marc's and cut the sleeves off myself.
Finally, if you're really committed to the whole "black" look but still want to show your support for Cleveland, I'd be willing to lend you my precious Michael Stanley Band t-shirt. That's a really specific way to let people know where you're from and where your heart remains.
If you go with that one, just to make sure you get it back to me, because I plan to get married in it one day.
So there are some wardrobe options for you, Travis. Hit me up in the DMs if any of those tickle your fancy. I'd be happy to help. Go Guards.
By the way, the most unsurprising revelation from Taylor Swift's Wikipedia page? "Swift spent her early years on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania."