CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, Ohio — There’s lot of buzz around this weekend's Browns game, and it clearly has nothing to do with interest in our abominable football team.
It's because it's a homecoming game for Cleveland Heights native Travis Kelce, who just happens to be dating the most famous woman on the planet.
Now, Taylor Swift has not yet attended a Chiefs road game this season, but in her defense, she has been busy on the highest-grossing tour of all time. But with The Eras Tour now over, rumors abound that she may very well wind up here in town to take in her beau's football match.
However, I'm willing to take that unfounded speculation a step further to make a totally irresponsible prediction: Not only will Taylor Swift be in Cleveland this weekend, I'M CALLING THAT TRAVIS IS GOING TO POP THE QUESTION WHILE THEY'RE HERE!
Now, in fairness, I'll acknowledge that the little lady and I have been watching A LOT of cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies lately, and there's a decent chance that's coloring my perspective. Still, consider the narrative elements:
- He's the hometown hero who’s back for the holidays.
- She's his famous girlfriend visiting his hometown.
- It's the notoriously romantic holiday season.
- It's also her birthday week.
This all adds up to a 95% chance of a proposal taking place this weekend. The only real question is, "Where?"
Based on my analysis, it will most likely take place in his hometown of Cleveland Heights at one of three nostalgic locations.
No. 1 possibility: Geraci's Restaurant
Travis has called out this classic University Heights pizza joint in the past, and I have to admit, it's a pretty romantic spot. I hear they've been known to host plenty of first dates and a wedding or two, so just saying!
No. 2 possibility: Heights High School, Travis' alma mater
Former head football coach Mike Jones told me that Travis keeps it low-key when he visits home, but he has been known to stop into the gym to play some late-night hoops. Plus, there's plenty of Kelce memorabilia and trophies to show off, so why not?
No. 3 possibility: Little Italy
Travis, you could take her to the most romantic neighborhood in Cleveland: Little Italy. Ask her here. Could do worse!
So there you have it. Now, the fortunate thing for Travis is that the Chiefs have already clinched their playoff spot and the Browns are still the Browns, so he won't have to overexert himself on the field and can focus on the romantic task at hand, that task being completing the plot to the Hallmark holiday movie that is his life, entitled: "A Hometown Touchdown Christmas: The Travis Kelce & Taylor Swift Engagement Saga."
Regardless of whether you're traveling solo or with a companion, Mr. Kelce, welcome home. Keep repping us proud, and happy holidays to you and yours.