CLEVELAND — Look sharp people! The NFL Draft is in town and we’ve got company coming over, so let’s all try to get our collective act together.
Or let’s all at least try to present the illusion that we have our collective act together for the next 3 or 4 days so that everybody who’s in from out of town has a nice enough time but not TOO nice a time.
We want them to spend a lot of money here and say nice things about us when they go back to whatever inferior places from which they came but not SUCH a nice time that they decide to move here, because if I was into big crowds and high rent I’d have moved somewhere else.
Still, we need to be good hosts and make the city look good to keep our rep on the rise.
Downtown people: Let’s at least pick up all those E-Scooters and lean them against a tree or something!
Downtown Dogs: Just to be safe, no number 2s until Sunday. I’m sorry to punish you but many of your owners are simply unreliable.
Brook Park: Move those trampolines to the backyard for a few days!
Burke Lakefront Airport: Stop being Dan Gilbert’s private airport and become a charming, walkable lakeside community space instead!
Gentlemen’s Clubs in The Flats: This is the weekend you’ve all been training for, we can only hope you’re ready. Good luck to all of you and know that you’re in our thoughts.
As for me, I’ve elected to take on the role of a Cleveland Ambassador (unelected/un-appointed) by just being available to any visitors from near or far who might be visiting downtown for the first time and have some questions.
And even if they don’t specifically have any questions or if they DO probably have questions but are simply too intimidated to approach a huge regional celebrity to ask him those questions (as seemed to be the case yesterday) I am doing my part by engaging with people any ways just to add to the authentic, cultural richness of their visit.
Let’s all put our best foot forward folks!
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