You’ll have no problem hearing bad news these days. And that’s why I’m trying this new segment that focuses on the positive. And I’m calling it “Good News!” So, What’s the Good News?
Good News!
The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo is considering reopening as a drive-thru so that visitors can enjoy the animals from the comfort and safety of their cars, which is great news for people like myself who love wildlife but detest exercise. Just imagine what the animals who don’t know there’s a pandemic will be thinking though: They’ll be like, “Wow. Now they’re too lazy to even get out of their cars. New Low.
Good News!
Both Olsen Twins are single again fellas! And that’s not creepy to say because they’re 33 now. Both of them. Mary-Kate recent filed for divorce from her husband of 5 years Olivier Sarkozy citing irreconcilable age, height, and attractiveness differences.
Good News!
Good tech news, Harvard and MIT Researchers are developing a face mask that lights up when it detects the coronavirus and that’s inarguably impressive but also kind of a weird way to alert to people that you’re sick.
Good News!
By 2026 Jeff Bezos could become the world’s first trillionaire. That’s what they think. If I’m stuck at home much longer and keep online shopping after drinking I think we can get him there by 2024. I accidentally bought 2 of these Abraham Lincoln masks if anybody’s in the market for one.
Finally, Good News!
A viral video shows an irate customer brawling with employees at a Pennsylvania Red Lobster on Mother’s Day. Customers were upset about extremely long wait times and the result was some good old fashioned Red Lobster parking lot fisticuffs. This, again, seems like another thing that might not be good news, but only if you’re missing the larger point folks. Red Lobster is open, and it’s almost Endless Shrimpfest. Stay safe seafood lovers. That’s the good news.
More from Mike Polk Jr.