CLEVELAND — I think we can all agree that the public opinion of our city's airport is less than stellar.
Whether you buy into the media hype machine or not, if you've personally experienced Cleveland Hopkins, you know that while our city has many things to crow about, sadly, our airport is not among them. It's drab, it's dated, it's dirty, and there's always something unexplained happening in the middle of the concourse.
They say your airport is the front door to your city, and ours is a one hinged door with big holes in the screen. That's why I'm here appealing to you directly, Cleveland Airport: You have to stop embarrassing us. It's that simple.
Remember, you're not just representing you; you're representing the whole city, and you're making us look like jerks in front of the company.
Now, I understand that you are in the perpetual process of being remodeled, and everyone promises that you're going to look like the Superdome eventually. But I feel like we've been revamping you for at least 25 years now, and yet you somehow still maintain the look and vibe of a Greyhound bus station from the 1970s. For whatever reason, the improvements just don't seem to take.
I don't pretend to understand you, Cleveland Airport. I don't know why you tend to be so dirty or how you got all of those scuffs on your walls. Personally, I've just learned to accept you for what you are — just a weird, dumpy place for me to catch a flight,after grabbing a Cabo Wabo cocktail at Sammy Hagar's legendary airport bar, Sammy's.
But we need to talk about your social media behavior, Cleveland Airport. How do you think it made us all look this week when our city's notoriously unimpressive airport went online and patted itself on the back for renovating one airport bathroom? That's right, the first of 13 upcoming restroom renovations has been completed, and they are poppin' the bubbly over at Hopkins.
The post included a bunch of glamour shots of the bathroom, as if you guys were revealing a new Tesla model rather than a frankly pretty pedestrian airport bathroom, featuring such notable upgrades as… improved lighting…. upgraded fixtures..... and modern amenities, which I guess is the water fountain where you can also fill your bottle.
What I'm suggesting, Cleveland Airport, is that perhaps we need not be so braggadocios about the fact that we now have one well-lit, clean bathroom in our airport, and at least 12 that definitely aren't. It's just not a great look, and I know I'm not alone on this because when WKYC posted the new airport bathroom story on our Facebook page.
This was the uniform tone of the many, many comments:
- Bill Ryan says, "Wow running water and urinals? Genius"
- Michelle Ferrato-Ricketts predicted, "I bet those will stay as clean as the rest of the airport."
- Tobycash Toby requests, "Can you guys fix the AC in there too. Last time I was there it felt like an armpit."
- And John Strick says, "Shows how pitiful our airport is that a restroom renovation merits a news story."
Which is accurate, but also kind of hurtful, John, because I am now doing a news story about a news story about a restroom renovation, so I'm definitely part of the problem.
In conclusion, Cleveland Airport, it's not that we're not happy that you have a new clean restroom we can use. Just keep quiet about it so that the rest of the country doesn't know what a big deal it is for us. It makes us look like Toledo.